Having More Kids Has Made Me More Self-Aware
I can remember balancing my small baby on my lap, staring at his blue eyes and trying to imagine a world in which I could be a mom of more children. Trips to the grocery store required me to pack up half of his nursery and I couldn’t imagine ever being able to take a shower again. I felt so ill-equipped and unqualified. Why on earth would the hospital send a baby home with me? Didn’t they know I killed nearly every plant I had ever owned? Didn’t they know I was notorious for ruining pasta? How was I ever supposed to keep another human alive, let alone raise said human to be a functioning adult and contributor to society?
Well, apparently, that didn’t matter because that SAME hospital sent baby number two home with me two years later… and baby number three two years after that.
With my first child, I was all limitations. I couldn’t go anywhere alone, couldn’t go anywhere within an hour of nap time (basically I didn’t go anywhere), couldn’t leave the house without multiple baby carrier options and several outfits and the pack-and-play (I WISH I WERE KIDDING), couldn’t imagine ever fixing my hair again or wearing a decent outfit, and I definitely couldn’t dream of a world where I had multiple children. This tiny human had seemingly rendered me useless. My college degree? Didn’t matter. All the books I had read? Pointless. I had nothing to offer.
Yet, here we are, slightly over five years later and I am a mother to three children. I do, in fact, fix my hair on a semi-regular basis. I no longer burn pasta and we actually have a thriving garden in the backyard.
So, what changed?
Growing my family forced me out of the box in which I had placed myself. I had to leave, on occasion, close to (Gasp!) nap time. I learned that maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to bring all the baby things with me to story time at the library. Having more children has forced me to see what I am truly capable of. I am a lot stronger, a lot more flexible, and a lot more confident than I could have ever imagined I would be when I sat on the couch holding my one tiny baby.
So, to the mom finding herself in hysterics at the thought of more children, you are far more capable than you could ever imagine. The more we do something, the more confident we become. It may not be the thought of more kids, but whatever it is that scares you, believe that you can do it. You just haven’t done it…yet.Kara Garis is a cloth diapering, baby wearing, semi-crunchy mama to two active boys and a baby girl. She lives with her husband in Oklahoma and loves running, cooking, traveling, reading and teaching herself how to braid. She blogs at karagaris.com.