“How did you know it was time to have another baby?”
So, real talk: There’s never really an ideal time to add to your family. Someone isn’t sleeping, or they finally started sleeping. You’re still figuring out life with the children you have. Grocery shopping is a nightmare. You would need a bigger car. You just figured out a home-life rhythm. Money is tight. Money just got easier. Your partner just got a new job. You just lost the baby weight. You have a big trip planned. Chaos.
Not to mention, when you start thinking about sibling dynamics and the sheer financial cost of another child, it can be mentally debilitating. Those are the moments I find myself eating a bowl of brownie batter, questioning all of my life decisions.
But, in all seriousness… how did I know it was time to try for another baby? Here’s my short answer:
I wanted another baby and so did my husband.
You might be surprised to know I always swore I’d never have children. But, once I took a positive pregnancy test, I decided I couldn’t just have one…I was all in.
I wish I could tell you the decision to have multiple children was methodical, with spreadsheets, hours of counseling, and meetings with investment bankers. Nope. My husband and I sort of have a “let's make it work” approach to most things. We plan to the best of our abilities but, as the song goes, plans are “a tiny prayer to Father Time.”
So, what kinds of questions can you ask yourself if you’re thinking of adding to your family?
- What are you picturing? Are you imagining yourself pregnant in cute maternity clothes? The cuddly newborn phase? Or are you thinking about another child in your family, another personality, another person to teach and train and love?
- Do you have help? More kids=more needs. Do you have family close by? Community? Friends? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have children if you just moved to a new city where you don’t know a soul…but it’s worth investing in some relationships if you have baby fever.
- What’s your health situation? I don’t just mean physically. Mentally, emotionally, martially. True, we can’t all be at our best in order to get pregnant or no one EVER would. But it’s worth working a few things out if you can.
Only you know your family dynamics and life situation. Others might have strong opinions on whether or not you should add to your family, but ultimately it comes down to you.
What are some other questions you would ask?
Kara Garis is a cloth diapering, baby wearing, semi-crunchy mama to two active boys and a baby girl. She lives with her husband in Oklahoma and loves running, cooking, traveling, reading and teaching herself how to braid. She blogs at karagaris.com.